Lost the Beat

September 26, 2017

Lost the Beat

We had it all once, babe,
a glorious moment in the sun.
We had it, loved naively,
but serenely blind we came undone

It slipped away so easily,
each of us felt carefree, still thinking
all was well between us:
Our hearts broke each other without blinking

Remembering our life now
it all feels ridiculous, absurd,
I guess our love was frail indeed,
we both let it go without a word.

If I could, I’d take it back,
but our shattered hearts are rightly wary.
My wretched soul fears more pain
and sees you as its adversary.

So we stay apart, my dear.
I won’t risk grief over you anew.
Reign nostalgia firmly in
and bid you decisively adieu.




November 17, 2015


Sure, I realize you’re gone—while I’m awake.
I steel myself to the empty places in
the house, in my life. I come home knowing
it will be dark and I will be alone.
The TV is too loud, but it drowns out
the silence. So why can’t I sleep without
dreaming of you here with me in this bed
the way we used to be? In the morning
I wake tangled in sheets I was searching
for you—your body, your warmth, the you-ness
of you. The dreams are so real, though, I am
disappointed every morning when I
realize again that you’re really gone.

I find myself sleeping more, so as to
spend more time with you. I feel you with me
as surely as you ever were alive.
Your lips graze mine so softly, the bristle
of your beard burns my chin, as always. We
love each other all night long, in my dreams.
But when I wake, I find the beard burn on
my face. My body feels sore and well-loved.
And I’ve begun to be afraid of you.
Now I plan to leave, vacation in some
far-away locale. Surely, you won’t find
me there. I hope this one last night with you
will be enough to appease your spirit.


November 9, 2015


I knew it was a big mistake,
seeing you once again.

I knew it when I saw you,
felt that familiar yen.

I tried to stay away from you,
I thought that I was good.

I never thought my heart would yearn,
I just misunderstood.

But when I let your lips touch mine,
and felt your gentle touch.

I could not recall just why we stopped
when I loved you so much.

And now, again, I find myself
sad, lonely to the core.

My body tingling from your touch,
soul trampled, and heart sore.

But given the chance once again,
I don’t doubt what I’d do.

I know I’d let you right back in,
and let the pain come too.




Last Night

November 1, 2015

Last Night

Did it happen to you
the way it happened to me?

I am awake and you’re still sleeping
and self-doubt steals into my sleepy mind.
I’m awake now, though.

It felt magical, our meeting.
It felt incredible, being with you
all night. You opened doors
I’ve kept locked for years.

And here I am with the first light of dawn
Should I steal away?
Find my clothes and go?

I begin to doubt it could have been
as good for you.
I start to fear you are not
who I think you are, or
I am not who you really want.

I move closer to the side of the bed,
tentatively feeling for my phone
or looking for a clock,
retreating already into
my safe, careful world,
one you don’t belong in.

And then you feel me stir and roll over,
capturing me again, drawing me back,
“No, not yet. Don’t go.”

Your voice suffuses me with the same
pleasure, well-being, and, admit it,
as it did last night.

We melt together again,
and I remember.

Yes, it was that good.
Ah, yes, yes, yes,
You think so too.