Not a Fool

April 1, 2016

Not a fool
to love you so.
Not a fool
to find joy in
your steady gaze
your open heart
your loving arms
your thoughtful touch
your peaceful depth
your constancy
your hungry kiss.
Not a fool to love
this time.

Haunted

November 17, 2015

Haunted

Sure, I realize you’re gone—while I’m awake.
I steel myself to the empty places in
the house, in my life. I come home knowing
it will be dark and I will be alone.
The TV is too loud, but it drowns out
the silence. So why can’t I sleep without
dreaming of you here with me in this bed
the way we used to be? In the morning
I wake tangled in sheets I was searching
for you—your body, your warmth, the you-ness
of you. The dreams are so real, though, I am
disappointed every morning when I
realize again that you’re really gone.

I find myself sleeping more, so as to
spend more time with you. I feel you with me
as surely as you ever were alive.
Your lips graze mine so softly, the bristle
of your beard burns my chin, as always. We
love each other all night long, in my dreams.
But when I wake, I find the beard burn on
my face. My body feels sore and well-loved.
And I’ve begun to be afraid of you.
Now I plan to leave, vacation in some
far-away locale. Surely, you won’t find
me there. I hope this one last night with you
will be enough to appease your spirit.

Remember

November 13, 2015

Remember

We met at the park,
you came upon me and stopped to talk.
When you saw I had kids
you didn’t freak out and
I smiled.

You never pushed too hard,
but you invited me places.
We met again and again,
and every time
I smiled.

One night, saying goodbye,
you reached into the car
and kissed me.
All the way home, oh, how
I smiled.

One night, at your place,
we explored one another,
and before it went too far
you asked me,
“Are you sure?”
I said yes, and
I smiled.

So many nights together,
you came to mine and tapped
at the bedroom window.
I would fly to the front door
and we would kiss and kiss.
So much love,
so many smiles.

Whatever happened to us?

 

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Lights On

November 7, 2015

Lights On

It was a habit. She’d never considered it before.
“Why? I don’t know. Because if I leave it on you’ll see all my pudgy bits. And I don’t like the thought of all that squishy flesh in the light.”
“But I love all your bits, and I don’t think you’re pudgy. Anyway, if things aren’t squishing, you’re not doing it right.”
“I don’t think I could relax.”
His grin was very wide. “Oh, I can make you relax.”
“I don’t know…”
“Leave the light on. I want to see all of you.” He grinned again, “Please?”
Reluctantly, she moved from the switch. She stood there, reluctant, uncertain. He was already naked and he moved toward her like a predator.
“Relax, it’s okay. Just try it.”
She smiled, “You know you’re the first man I’ve ever met who would care. Why do you care?”
“I don’t want you to be ashamed of all this glorious beauty. This supple flesh, this BOUNTY!” He pulled her dress up over her head and fell to his knees, hugging her at the waist and pulling her into him. “Mmmm. This, I love it. Give me more.”
She laughed, uncomfortable. “Seriously, you like my pudge?”
He looked up at her, soulful, eyes already dilated with desire. “You are not pudgy, you are goddess-shaped. I love goddesses.” He pulled himself up until he was standing before her again, his arousal evident. She laughed.
“You won’t even let me hate myself? Didn’t you realize hating our bodies is the national pastime for women? It’s practically a religion! Trainers at the gym are their evangelists! Seriously?”
“Come with me, woman, I want to worship you.” He led her to the bed and lay her down. “I am going to make you weep with joy, gorgeous, so put your tray tables in their fixed and upright position and fasten your seatbelt. This is going to be the best ride of your life.”
And it was.

What We Are

November 6, 2015

What We Are

Certain scents move me in time.
Passing a carnival today,
the popcorn and frying food
mingled with apples and cinnamon,
the fresh autumn breeze,
and the crackle of leaves underfoot
took me back.

We’d been seeing each other
for just a short while.
We went to the fair,
still full of the wonder
of just holding hands.

We were so young.

It felt like the most important day of my life.
In a way, it was.

Sights and sounds blurred,
for I was looking at you,
looking at us,
feeling your hand in mine.

Food, sounds, so many people
all rushing by, all unimportant,
tasteless, invisible. We were ghosts
in the world, haunting ourselves.

At last, face aching from smiling,
feet numb and blistered
we went home to your place
for the first time.

How naturally we flowed into
each other’s arms.
How easily, comfortably we loved.
Unforgettable, the incredible sensations,
more intense for the newness.
How I loved you.

It was awkward and wonderful
and perfect.

It is perfect still.
Our knowledge of one another helps,
but each time adds to the others,
adds from the first
building our life together,
ecstasy and pain,
to make us what we are now.

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Last Night

November 1, 2015

Last Night

Did it happen to you
the way it happened to me?

I am awake and you’re still sleeping
and self-doubt steals into my sleepy mind.
I’m awake now, though.

It felt magical, our meeting.
It felt incredible, being with you
all night. You opened doors
I’ve kept locked for years.

And here I am with the first light of dawn
worrying.
Should I steal away?
Find my clothes and go?

I begin to doubt it could have been
as good for you.
I start to fear you are not
who I think you are, or
I am not who you really want.

I move closer to the side of the bed,
tentatively feeling for my phone
or looking for a clock,
retreating already into
my safe, careful world,
one you don’t belong in.

And then you feel me stir and roll over,
capturing me again, drawing me back,
“No, not yet. Don’t go.”

Your voice suffuses me with the same
pleasure, well-being, and, admit it,
lust
as it did last night.

We melt together again,
and I remember.

Yes, it was that good.
Ah, yes, yes, yes,
You think so too.

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